27 Rules For Conquering The Gym

Source of picture: nike.com

Whilst heading to my Sunday morning Body Combat class, I couldn't help but trumble through this particular Tumblr blog for last minute inspiration...

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.
2. Give yourself a goal. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to quarterback the New York Jets into the playoffs. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.
3. Develop a gym routine. Try to go at least three times a week. Do a mix of strength training and cardiovascular conditioning. After the third week, stop carrying around that satchel of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.
4. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading “The New Yorker” and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one.
5. Bring your iPod. Don’t borrow the disgusting gym headphones, or use the sad plastic radio attachment on the treadmill, which always sounds like it’s playing Kenny Loggins from a sewer.
6. Don’t fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.
7. Yes, every gym has an overenthusiastic spinning instructor who hasn’t bought a record since “Walking on Sunshine.”
8. There’s also the Strange Guy Who is Always at the Gym. Just when you think he isn’t here today…there he is, lurking by the barbells.
9. "Great job!” is trainer-speak for “It’s not polite for me to laugh at you.”
10. Beware a hip gym with a Wilco step class.
11. Gyms have two types of members: Members who wipe down the machines after using them, and the worst people in the universe.
12. Nope, that’s not a “recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.” That’s a chocolate bar.
13. Avoid Unsolicited Advice Guy, who, for the small fee of boring you to death, will explain the proper method for any exercise in 45 minutes or longer.
14. You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs—but that’s super tough!
15. If you’re motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a “wooden coat rack.” It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.
16. There’s the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.
17. If you see an indoor rock climbing wall, you’re either in a really cool gym or a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.
18. Be cautious about any class with the words “sunrise,” “hell,” or “Moby.”
19. If a gym class is going to be effective, it’s hard. If you’re relaxed and enjoying yourself, you’re at brunch.
20. If you need to bring your children, just let them loose in the silent meditation class. Nobody minds, and kids love candles.
21. Don’t buy $150 sneakers, $100 yoga pants, and $4 water. Muscle shirts are for people with muscles, and rhythm guitarists.
22. Fancy gyms can be seductive, but once you get past the modern couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices, you’re basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O.
23. Everyone sees you secretly racing the old people in the pool.
24. If you’re at the point where you’ve bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. It’s way more fun and it doesn’t make you listen to C+C Music Factory.
25. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.
26. A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it’s good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it’s not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.
27. There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries. The end.

Inner Balance

Source of picture: healthyisthenewsexy

“Yoga is evenness of mind”: detachment from the dualities of pain and pleasure, success and failure. Therefore “yoga is skill in action,” because this kind of detachment is required if one is to act in freedom, rather than merely react to events compelled by conditioning.” - Eknath Easwaran  

For those who are 'avid' readers of my blog, it may come as no surprise that I do enjoy dabbling in my meditative ways... in particular, my fondness for Yoga. To be frank, I had never given yoga or meditative exercises much attention over the past couple of years. While everyone has been lapping up the bikram fads, I've apparently been sitting on the couch exercising and stretching my jaw with potato chips. However, I have decided to take Yoga/Pilates/Contortionism quite seriously this year. I suppose my goal is to be able fit in a suitcase so I can become a street performer if ever my career in the legal profession should fall through. 

Sure, I've taken classes every now and again to give my muscles a break but ever since I've found myself thrown into a chaotic lifestyle, I needed to find a permanent outlet to channel my anger and stress. You know, so I don't go around murdering people after 8pm... And, oddly enough, my Body Combat classes weren't going to be enough. (Ironically, they may have encouraged me to become more violent. Haha.)

In all seriousness, I never realised how much I needed to stretch my body into awkward positions. Although my body is bending in ways it shouldn't, my mind seems to be at complete ease, focusing only on my meditating ways. Every Friday at 6pm, after a tough working/studying week, I make my way down to my local gym and sun-salutate, upward dog my body to its fullest potential. The endorphin rush afterwards is bliss.

And who doesn't want to start/end the day off with inner happiness? It's a full-proof plan, I say.

Commit Thyself

Source of picture: becoming sarah

"I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret." - Anthony Robbins

Commitment - A word that has been bookmarked in my life dictionary. There have been many proud moments where I have been dedicated to a certain project for the long haul, and the results have been overwhelmingly joyful. Unfortunately, there have been times where I've given up quite too easily or I've completed a project but the results have been disappointingly bitter. In those cases, I do feel like burying my face in my pillow, or punching my pillow, or throwing my pillow... Basically, I have a blatant disregard for the sanctity of the fluffy ball of wool I rest my head on every night. Later, I would come to regret giving up and come across the realisation of letting go too soon.

My greatest commitment to date has been the way I look after my body. Losing weight wasn't my primary goal at the beginning of my 'new look' (although, no one could argue it wasn't a bonus!). But rather, my goals were to feel healthy, to look healthy and to have an active lifestyle. I signed up to my local gym 5 years ago and now, I have reached a place of which I am more than happy with. I've achieved what I set out to do and pushed myself through tough moments. But, in saying that, I shouldn't stop looking after my body simply because I've obtained my goal. In fact, I don't want to stop; it is an ongoing endeavour. I've established a love/hate relationship with the exercise classes that are offered at my gym and if it weren't for my persistence and continued 'commitment' to waking up early on Sunday mornings, I wouldn't have found a new love - Yoga!

It saddens me to hear stories of friends who never 'followed through' on a project, and, after, feel bitter with regret. And consequently, I've only come across a few people who truly know the meaning of 'hard work'. After all, commitment and hard work go hand-in-hand. Commitment must be constant and consistent- not sporadic or intermittent.  Although it has taken me years to fully comprehend it, I now understand that it isn't simply about gaining the expected results. There's more to it than that. Being committed can open doors to experiences and activities that you would not find yourself in, had you not taken the first steps. Achieving your set goal(s) is only, really, the beginning of great things to come.

Power Planks & Motivation

Source of picture: sweatsparkles

If you work at something worthwhile for long enough, pretty soon you will find yourself on the other side- the side of achievement, relief and pride.

This happened to me today. I've countlessly attempted to perform a 'plank' exercise at my gym (not to be confused with a popular stupidity called 'planking'). I managed to hold myself in a 'plank' position for 3 minutes. The first time I tried to do it, I wasn't even able to stay on my knees for long as my shoulders would give way and my stomach wouldn't cooperate with the pressure I put on it. (Not to mention that I clearly didn't have abs that resembled the rock hard facade that people in the 'Ab Pro King' advert had.) But today, I finally cracked that barrier. And although this may seem  a very minuscule accomplishment in the exercise world, it was an accomplishment nonetheless. 

My stomach is the most untoned area of my body. I have heard of people who, no matter how hard they train their abdominal muscles, don't produce the results that show the work put into them. It may have something to do with the genes... I think (or would like to hope) that I fall into this category. To try and count how many sit ups, crunches, planks and all the mini-exercises in between that I've done is a tedious task. The results don't show for it. My stomach is only relatively flat, when I should have a six pack and I could only 'plank' on my knees for the most part. So to have finally achieved a goal like a 3 minute plank on my toes, is utter bliss!

I suspect these are the little things that everyone aims for. They contribute to a continual motivation and by achieving them one by one (even if it means taking weeks and months to get there), they keep going back for more - at least that's why I do it. I'll be able to walk into my next gym class, knowing I can plank (properly) and keep up with the class instructor. Haha. I can plank!

When I Talk About Running

Source of picture: craaae

“My time, the rank I attain, my outward appearance – all of these are secondary. For a runner like me, what’s really important is reaching the goal I set myself, under my own power. I give it everything I have, endure what needs enduring, and am able, in my own way, to be satisfied. From out of the failures and joys I always try to come away having grasped a concrete lesson... And I hope that, over time, as one race follows another, in the end I’ll reach a place I’m content with. Or maybe just catch a glimpse of it.”

I hate running. Period. I don't have the stamina or will-power for it. I've tried liking it but it inevitably consumes my happiness and I'm left in a sweaty, defeated state thinking: "Why the hell did I ever think this was a good idea in the first place?". I remember having to run cross-country as part of the 'curriculum' in my sports classes, in primary and high school, and I would always come second to last... in a group of 50. Factor in the point where I was a severely overweight kid and overall, running was not my cup of tea.

Fast track several years later to when I was 18 (still overweight) and I haphazardly forced myself to attempt running, for the second time, on the treadmills at my local gym. That time was definitely better. As the weeks go past, I slowly built myself up to running at 5km for 10 minutes. I know that doesn't sound fast in the slightest but it was enough to make me shake with sweat and admit defeat. As funny as it sounds, each time I stepped onto the treadmill and ran, it made me hate the activity even more. For most people, achieving a goal would make them feel elated with joy and accomplishment, essentially happy. But in my case, running didn't do a damn thing for me. If anything, it left me miserable. I didn't have that feeling I was supposed to have after running and I boil it down to the fact that I couldn't shake the loathing of running. Unfortunately (or fortunately- whichever way you choose to look at it), I gave up on the treadmills and turned to group exercise classes instead, where I kick ass and feel on top of the world after a great session.

Haruki Murakami is one of my favourite authors. (Side note: I'll definitely be posting more of his books in future posts). His works predominantly consist of fiction novels set in contemporary Japan but he has published a few non-fiction memoirs, Running being the first of them. Over 4 months. he documents his preparation for the (in)famous New York City Marathon. The memoir details what types of races he runs, where he trains and of course, what he thinks about when he is running. The book itself didn't incite me to strap on my trainers and go for a 10km run. After all, I hate running, remember? But it was inspirational, nonetheless. His book reinforced my attitudes towards attaining goals whether they would be towards exercise, career or simply being the best I can be, in whatever I choose to do, regardless of the burning sensation in my body.

I'm not a competitive person by nature (although, I do say that I am the best in who I am, haha). I find it hard to gather the mentality that allows me to overtake those I see as threats. Very rarely could you find me doing competitive sports growing up. Unless I am striving for something very important, I'm all too willing to let someone else have the crown. Murakami, and some runners, are the same in that way. In long distance running, the only competition that truly exists is between you and time, which I hope is fair to say, my approach with most things. The only person I have to overtake is an abstract concept- time, negative ideals and attitudes or myself.

For Murakami, he found it through running and writing. I found it through 4 years of intense cardiovascular activity at my gym, martial arts and school. We, inevitably, reached the same conclusion about hard work.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."