When I Talk About Running

Source of picture: craaae

“My time, the rank I attain, my outward appearance – all of these are secondary. For a runner like me, what’s really important is reaching the goal I set myself, under my own power. I give it everything I have, endure what needs enduring, and am able, in my own way, to be satisfied. From out of the failures and joys I always try to come away having grasped a concrete lesson... And I hope that, over time, as one race follows another, in the end I’ll reach a place I’m content with. Or maybe just catch a glimpse of it.”

I hate running. Period. I don't have the stamina or will-power for it. I've tried liking it but it inevitably consumes my happiness and I'm left in a sweaty, defeated state thinking: "Why the hell did I ever think this was a good idea in the first place?". I remember having to run cross-country as part of the 'curriculum' in my sports classes, in primary and high school, and I would always come second to last... in a group of 50. Factor in the point where I was a severely overweight kid and overall, running was not my cup of tea.

Fast track several years later to when I was 18 (still overweight) and I haphazardly forced myself to attempt running, for the second time, on the treadmills at my local gym. That time was definitely better. As the weeks go past, I slowly built myself up to running at 5km for 10 minutes. I know that doesn't sound fast in the slightest but it was enough to make me shake with sweat and admit defeat. As funny as it sounds, each time I stepped onto the treadmill and ran, it made me hate the activity even more. For most people, achieving a goal would make them feel elated with joy and accomplishment, essentially happy. But in my case, running didn't do a damn thing for me. If anything, it left me miserable. I didn't have that feeling I was supposed to have after running and I boil it down to the fact that I couldn't shake the loathing of running. Unfortunately (or fortunately- whichever way you choose to look at it), I gave up on the treadmills and turned to group exercise classes instead, where I kick ass and feel on top of the world after a great session.

Haruki Murakami is one of my favourite authors. (Side note: I'll definitely be posting more of his books in future posts). His works predominantly consist of fiction novels set in contemporary Japan but he has published a few non-fiction memoirs, Running being the first of them. Over 4 months. he documents his preparation for the (in)famous New York City Marathon. The memoir details what types of races he runs, where he trains and of course, what he thinks about when he is running. The book itself didn't incite me to strap on my trainers and go for a 10km run. After all, I hate running, remember? But it was inspirational, nonetheless. His book reinforced my attitudes towards attaining goals whether they would be towards exercise, career or simply being the best I can be, in whatever I choose to do, regardless of the burning sensation in my body.

I'm not a competitive person by nature (although, I do say that I am the best in who I am, haha). I find it hard to gather the mentality that allows me to overtake those I see as threats. Very rarely could you find me doing competitive sports growing up. Unless I am striving for something very important, I'm all too willing to let someone else have the crown. Murakami, and some runners, are the same in that way. In long distance running, the only competition that truly exists is between you and time, which I hope is fair to say, my approach with most things. The only person I have to overtake is an abstract concept- time, negative ideals and attitudes or myself.

For Murakami, he found it through running and writing. I found it through 4 years of intense cardiovascular activity at my gym, martial arts and school. We, inevitably, reached the same conclusion about hard work.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

Bread Platters, Wine Glasses and Friendship

Source of picture: fatdecanter.com.au

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer

Last weekend, I had a beautiful lunch with good friends at Swan Valley- an establishment filled with vineyards, farms, wineries, restaurants and gorgeous, open landscapes. The drive up there is enough to satisfy your eyes. Although I revel in a fast lifestyle, it's nice to sit quietly from time to time and ponder. You know, so as to not burn out too quickly on life's absurdities. There's something relaxing and comforting in being able to drive away from city life and have a taste of early retirement. So far, it taste like fresh edam and camembert cheese. There's also a dainty, upper class, "poshness" to it. What can I say, any chance for elegance and regality... It's a nice change from parking my ass in front of the TV and shoving chocolate in my mouth at regular intervals.

This is an annual event for a couple of close uni friends and I (and by annual, I mean to say that we did it once last year, roughly during the same time of the year). Last year, one of the boys dressed very inappropriately for the drive up there (he dressed in an oversized jumper, shorts and thongs - like he was going to his local pub!). So by a unanimous decision, we forced him to go back home and change into something a little more suitable for a day in the green. Also, it was slightly raining and chilly that day so we convinced him he would catch a cold if he didn't put something a little warmer on. After that minor hiccough, we went on to dine at a quaint winery with a lovely, calm atmosphere. I still remember that winery very vividly- wooden benches, purple and green vines hanging from the wooden planks off the ceiling and strategically placed wooden barrels around the restaurant. The light drizzle made an already beautiful landscape, perfect. We chatted, laughed and delicately stuffed our mouths with delicious bread, cheese, chorizo and wine. I don't think one of us remembered that we had exams the week after. This was, by far, my favourite day last year.

This year, we were sans boy-who-dresses-inappropriately-for-weather (he's since graduated and returned to his home country). Nonetheless, we made the drive up to Swan Valley, once again. We ate our sourdough bread, drank pear cider and Jane Brook Chardonnay and reminisced over strange uni moments as well as our dreams, goals and plans. We topped off the day with delicious hand made chocolates from the Margaret River Chocolate Company. To me, this trip was quite sombre. We were down one friend, and it was going to be our last trip to Swan Valley as a group before all of us graduate. Needless to say, it didn't have the same feel as the year before.

As much as I say I want to move out of my hometown next year, I'm sorely going to miss moments like these. But that's a given right? Of course we're going to miss those we leave behind or move away from. It is not so much the actual location itself that will be missed (although, in my case, I will miss open green fields and good food) but rather, the people we share it with. I've only known my uni colleagues for a year and a half but they have seen me joyous and depressed- just as I have seen them at their extremes. All of us are onto bigger and better things once next year comes around and I am fearful for the time when we would be pressed simply to even contact each other by phone.

I guess all I can do for now is to grasp onto the here and now. I'll try and enjoy the friendships as they stand in the present- just like it's best to enjoy wine and cheese at its freshest.

You Are What Your Bag Contains

 

I'm sure this is quite a deviation from all the "enlightening" writings that I post up. But I feel the need to inform you why my bag weighs the same amount as a pile of bricks. Also, this is a response to Laura Valerie's post on her blog, Pretty Poesy.

From top left, clockwise:

Visual Aids - I need glasses. I've always had a short sighted problem since I was 12 and have been wearing glasses ever since. To make things slightly better, I have a multi-coloured striped case to put my frames in (which is rarely put to use considering I have to wear my glasses all the time). As of now, they currently act as storage for my contact lenses and solution. You can also find a pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs sunglasses I purchased in Hong Kong. They are my first pair of designer sunglasses and I would be quite upset if I accidently sat on them. (Hence, why you should always keep sunglasses on your face and not on your bum. Haha. Lame joke.)

Make Up/Make Up Utensils - Beautiful Chantecaille powder foundation and lip gloss, although, the foundation is too dark for my face in winter, so it needs to be used up very soon. Otherwise, I'll have to put it in storage with all of my other half-used beauty products that I've been too lazy to throw away. An Etude House mirror, that was given to me as part of a "going-away" present from my former Singaporean work colleagues. I use it primarily to check out potential husbands while pretending to fix my face. Crabtree and Evelyn Pink Grapefruit and Cucumber body mist for the midday touchups. I imagine this is what heaven smells like. Sasa Tinnie blotting paper for my face. My face is very oily and I found I needed them everytime I stepped out of an air-conditioned office into Singapore's humidity. Not so much use in Perth now, but still handy to keep in the bag.

First Aid Kit - Tic Tacs or any form of prevention for bad breath is a must. I also find that they help when I'm bored. The standard band-aids and tissues are a no brainer for clumsiness. And.. er.. tampons. Keep hydrated throughout the day with a bottle of water. You may also find the odd bottle of Pokka Green Tea lying around. I always keep a fresh pair of stockings in my bag. You never know when you'll find yourself wandering into a shoe store trying out the next best thing.

Wallet - I bought my Anna Sui wallet in Hong Kong and treat it as if it were a living, breathing animal. I wasn't a fan of big flat wallets until I bought this but knowing I can store all my cards, cash, coins and other miscellaneous items in one convenient location, converted me. It's surprisingly still well-presented and intact after 2 years. Also, the colour is creamy gold - appealing on the eyes. Enough said.

Reading and Writing Material - I'm getting into the habit of bringing a small novel with me everywhere I go. This stemmed from the frequent morning/evening train rides to and from work in Singapore. I would endure a 30 minute train ride and would often be sandwiched up against many other commuters so reading a book allowed me to focus on the text in front of me rather than ponder questions about body odour. Furthermore, always bring something to write on and to write with. I have a Moleskin notebook which I bought last year and I love it. I jot down anything from ideas about blog posts to appointments with friends to songs I intend to download (legally). My Smiggle silver ball point pen was given to me as part of a travel gift from a Perth friend. Oh, also bring a blank USB with you, especially if you work in an office or are studying. Technology is advancing, kids.

Electronics - My Blackberry (or Crackberry) is my third limb. Communication is essential! Also, my iPod. I am a musical being at heart and it's a great way to de-stress from craziness and an even better way to escape from people talking. If I wanted to listen to a person talk, I'd use my phone. Simple.

Keys - Don't leave home without them. You'll need them to get back in.

A Higher Power

Picture taken from ninbra

Today on the train, I heard the following statement:

"I don't get why people are religious. It's all fake anyway." 

I avoid the topic of religion in conversation. It is not because I don't hold any opinions on it. It's simply because I believe religion to be a very sensitive, private matter and should only be talked about responsibly. And very few people do. For the purposes of this post, I'll do my best to be one of those who give careful thoughts to their words.

 

I am not religious - that is to say I don't actively practice a faith. I did so when I was younger but my father, a convert, has always told me to think for myself. He never subscribed me the title of a Muslim child. He, himself, has been known to bend the 'rules' every now and again. And I guess it was because of him that I choose not to follow Islam to the core but retain those principles that reflect compassion, tolerance and overall, principles that better me as a person. So if one were to narrow my identity down to my beliefs, I guess that makes me "an ultra-cool-spiritual-being-who's-adopted-a-certain-ethos-from-all-faiths-who-also-likes-doing-yoga-and-enjoys-long-walks-on-the-beach."

Sad to say, not everyone holds a similar thinking. When I was overseas, my auntie (who is, thankfully, a very progressive and reasonable person), revealed a conversation she had with my mum. My mum said to my auntie: "I know I'm not the most conservative person, but if I've raised my daughter to be good, compassionate and to lead her life well, then I've done my job as a mother." I found out later that this conversation was started because my faith was questioned by my family members. All of this, as a result, have left in one or two of them avoiding me like the plague. But I guess that's family for you, huh? (What puzzles me most about all of this is that there is a convenient ignorance on the part of their teachings where questioning another's faith is a sin.)

Even though I am lax in my religious ways, I am fascinated by stories about those who have found "God" but more importantly, if there was a clear moment of revelation. I remember having a conversation with a classmate outside university, last year. She was a drug addict (and a heavy one at that, using all sorts of drugs imaginable) but stopped her addiction when she found God, sitting in the back of her car in a drug induced haze telling her that "this is your last chance, snap out of it". Now, if it was the drugs talking or something else, it was enough to abandon that lifestyle and steer herself onto a healthy path. Consequently, she is devout in her religious practices.

Often I think, I wish I had something concrete in my life to bring comfort. That no matter what hardship I experience, there's someone to tell me that there is an order and cause - and I will not be judged, but forgiven for my wrong doings. To some extent, I feel jealousy towards those who have found it in religion.

If, after all of the chaos attached to it, there's no God, no afterlife, no soulmates, no nothing... then so be it. But for now, I won't tell a 3 year old child that Santa Claus isn't real. If it makes them happy and have purpose to get out of bed in the morning on Christmas Day, I'll let them be.

"Faith is more than religion and social structure. It provides hope, stability... A sense of belonging. The surety that you are a good person, absolved of your sins. The knowledge that somebody (God) loves you, even though they know everything there is to know about you. That life has meaning, that there is some sort of order and justice to things. These are all things that everybody searches for, in some way... and some people find the answers through religion. Which is sometimes life-affirming, life-changing and/or life-saving; and therefore, worthy of our respect." - Laura Valerie, One April Morning  *

* I didn't ask her directly for her permission to use this quote, but I'm hoping she will forgive me for it! Please check out her amazing, beautifully written blog!

Oh Darling, Let's Be Adventurous

Picture courtesy of fuckyeahtravel

Wanderlust: A desire to travel, to understand one's very existence

Two late night conversations with great friends inspired this post. The first was over a late night dinner which primarily involved butter chicken and naan with the odd bouts of travel talk. My butter chicken friend is heading off to the UK and Europe next month to explore the regions and visit friends and family. Needless to say, she is extremely excited about it all. I am very jealous - all that I have to look forward to next month is a winter intensive unit.

The second was over the phone for a general catch-up (this included my friend confessing that she dreamt that I had married a tall, dark and handsome Middle-Eastern man and we were shacked up in a mansion in Dubai). I would say that this conversation held my attention by a long shot. Pretty soon the conversation turned towards travel, again. It is slowly starting to dawn on me that I am unable to escape from it (well, not that I really want to talk about anything else; the only escaping I want to do is out of my hometown). Travel was all we talked about for 40 minutes over the phone. We both concluded that Europe, mid next year, is on the table. Understandably, I jumped online and took a quick look at some organisations, such as TopDeck and Gap Adventures, to start planning what we could do.

In some very twisted way, I like being pushed out of my comfort zone. I am, generally, a calm and collected individual. But I love hustle, bustle and chaos. Hence why some of my most beloved places in the world that are notoriously known for 'not sleeping' seem to be my calling. I've also been watching episodes of An Idiot Abroad, a Ricky Gervais production where his moronic friend travels to all seven wonders of the world. As with any Ricky Gervais production, hilarity is more than often ensued but jokes and the misery of one man aside, at the end of each episode, Karl is willing to change his one-set outlooks on the world. Although he is defeated and miserable at the end of a tiring journey to truly enjoy the wonders, his willingness to be pushed outside his comfort zone is commendable.

My (favourite) aunt has traveled the world extensively when she worked for an airline company. I can't help but feel jealous when she tells her stories of staying in $2000-a-night hotel rooms along the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy ala Angelina Jolie in The Tourist. I don't intend to come across as a person who loves travel when "You know, as long as it's clean and they speak English and it's safe." I want to experience the extremes of travel. I know people who have traveled to Antartica and braved the freezing temperatures then gone on to rural safaris in northern Africa. If you could attribute this to my competitive side, I hope to visit the extremities of this world (starting with the seven wonders of the world) before age takes over.

Travel truely broadens the mind by forcing you to immerse yourself in a different environment and accept what is given to you. But on a personal touch, it allows one to understand their very being. Being pushed on the outskirts of familiarity, makes you realise exactly how much your mind is willing to accept. I don't like to see myself as simple minded but there's definitely room for improvement. For me, this is the time to be saving some moolah and jetting off to far away places. I refuse to let my mind linger in one position for too long.