|Source of pic: cultureclub.clubmonaco.com|
"What are you going to do? Everything, is my guess. It will be a little messy but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it will be like, but surprises are good for you. And don't be frightened: you can always change your mind. I know: I've had four careers and three husbands."- Nora Ephron, 1996 Graduating class of Wellesly College, Massachusetts
I've been feeling a bit lost lately. Whilst everyone seems to have their lust for life still in tact, I'm a bit flat - like when someone has forgotten to screw the cap on the 1.5l Coke bottle at a house party. In the midst of wrapping up my final exams for university and my degree, my motivation for anything that resembles aspiration or fun has been lacking. Yes, I've finished my degree I expected to be overcome with all sorts of elation. (As I type this, I received a graduation confirmation email from my university.) Sure, I danced my way out of my last exam, but what next? Do I really see myself in a office for the rest of my life? Dealing with difficult demands, paper, filing, photocopying, running down to the local court before 4pm... Urgh, Just thinking about it is creating goosebumps on my body.
Much of my time has been spent trying to get to this point - the point of completion, and now that I'm finally here, I am scared at what is (and what may not be) in my future. But mostly, I'm scared that I won't be able to achieve my potential, and that I will sit back on the sidebenches never being able to play in the main game. I'd wander through life from job to job, never finding the right fit. Never enjoying or loving what I do. Never being the best at anything.
The above quote is from the late Nora Ephron; part of a beautiful and humourous speech made to the graduating class of 1996 at Wellesly College, You can read it in full here. Most of her words are intended to empower the women in the graduating class. I found comfort in her words. Comfort in knowing that things will be messy and complicated - the most important thing is to embrace and survive it. These are meant to be the best years of my life, and maybe I do need to take a chill pill. So with that said, I am determined to make the second half of this year the most enjoyable I've had. People are always saying to me that they wished they didn't start work immediately, and that they would have wanted to take some time out for themselves. I agree. For me, travel is that comfort. And with India and Singapore waiting from me, I'm sure I can leave the self-doubt in the air for a while, until I return to reality. And maybe then, I'll have a clearer picture of where my life is headed.