Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Defeats of Trepidation

Source of picture: theparamour
Fear has always been a fascinating concept for me. (Side note: If anyone is generous enough to buy me a copy of The Culture of Fear by Barry Glassner, it would be very much appreciated.) Fear brings out interesting qualities in humans. Why do some of us let this concept hold us by the neck, while others react with such vigour when faced with daunting scenarios? It's somewhat amazing as to what we are capable of doing and feeling when we are faced against our demons.

I'd like to think that I face fear head-on. While I was still in high school, I remember one moment where a Japanese teacher of mine made me and my classmates sit in a circle and mention our strongest qualities - in Japanese. Our teacher gave us an example so we could understand how to structure our sentences and adjectives. The example she used was this:

"I think Sabrina is brave."

I'd never forget the moment when she said that to not only me, but the whole class. (I hope she truly meant it, otherwise this post up to now will be very embarrassing for me.) To this day, it still stands as one of my favourite moments in high school (although, to be frank, there weren't that many to begin with). To my close circle, I've been to known to stick out my neck for those I care about to the point that I am known as the girl who has no fears. (Yes, I'm slightly gushing as I type this out.) But underneath this thin veneer of bravery, at times, there's nothing I feel more than hopelessness. Other times I feel the need to give up because what I'm facing is hurting me too much or I discover that the results aren't going to be worth my struggle.

Some worrying thoughts arise if I find myself in this position. After fear has been defeated, has it truly been conquered - in every sense of that word? What if those same fears arise again? There are moments when I'm tempted to back down and I admit that sometimes, I'm not strong enough to face my demons alone. Defeating my fears once does not necessarily guarantee that those fears will not return and we might think we have overcome the worst of our pains but the courage and strength really lies in how we handle ourselves when faced with the possibility that it could creep back at any time.

So how can the so-called "girl with no fear" brave each trepidation that's thrown her way? I'll tell you this: The biggest fears us mere mortals will ever have to face in our lifetime lies within our minds. Thoughts brought on by our troubles are much more toxic to us than physical harm ever will be. The truly unfortunate thing about fear is that it will never completely disappear but the only 'ammunition' we have to fight with is our own heads. Fight the troubles in your mind, with your mind. Know that something great and worthwhile lies behind each and every single fear. Stay strong and pack your artillery system with hope and faith. We are not powerless. Fight.

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